Blunders that Stop Me Reading - part 3

I thought I was done talking about this topic until I looked at the opening paragraphs of a book and found yet another blunder that stopped me reading--contradictory actions (blunder #6). I remember in high school a boy joking, “Some people can’t chew gum and walk at the same time.” Ha ha. Those are possible for most of us. But when actions don’t work at the same time it stops the reader’s suspension of disbelief.
 
Here are a few examples where one character can’t do both at the same time:

• drummed fingers and clasped hands
• startled and froze
• turned and stayed still

Yes, I know a writer could mean them consecutively, but they are so close together they read as happening simultaneously.
 
The fixes include:

• chose one action or the other
• change your conjunction to “then”
• change the section entirely

 
Blunder #7 – oxymorons
 
I should probably clarify and say “unintended” oxymorons or contradictions. Oxymorons are used with purpose and many have become accepted phrases in our culture. But those times where the words make a reader stop and think, that’s not possible, those are the ones to avoid.
 
Some examples – you can find many more online:

• float upstream
• positively negative
• silent noise

 
The fixes:

• ask yourself if the words make sense and when they don’t change them
• have others read your work and let you know when they are puzzled

 
Blunder #8 – incorrect chronology
 
Remember cause and effect. I see writers put the effect before the cause. E.g. He opened his umbrella because it started to rain. The sentence is technically correct, but what happened first? The raindrops. Let the reader see and feel that instead of being told about it. E.g. A cold raindrop hit his nose, so he opened his umbrella.
 
Here are a few other examples with better chronology following:

• She shut the fridge after getting out sandwich makings. Better: She got out sandwich makings and shut the fridge.
• He jumped at the sound of a car backfiring. Better: Bang! He jumped. Oh, just a car backfiring.
• She laughed as the monkey did a trick. Better: The monkey did a trick and she laughed.

 
What caused the character to react, should usually come first.
 
The fixes:

• keep actions chronological
• think about action and reaction or cause and effect

 
Blunder #9 – duplicate actions
 
This is when the character has already done an action and repeats it, but it’s not logical to repeat it. E.g. Jon scooted out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table. Usually there’s some dialogue and then it appears the writer has forgotten that Jon already sat down. E.g. Jon plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table. Wait, what? He’d have to stand up first before he could sit down again.
 
The fix:

• compare what your main character is doing now and what your mc was already doing
  

 
Blunder #10 – obtrusive taglines
 
Instead of using the almost invisible said and asked, if a writer has characters growl, intrude, insert, exclaim, proclaim, cry, etc. it quickly becomes annoying. Sure, an occasional shout or yell or whisper is fine, but for the most part other words show the writer is trying too hard. It’s commonly the mark of a beginner.
 
The fix:

• for the most part stick with said and asked
• use an action instead—this is called a beat

 
It’s often hard to catch our own blunders. That’s why critiques and professional editing are necessary.

---