I’ve seen dialogue from new writers that was too realistic. It included um, uh, and other fillers that we use when we speak. It rambled. Things were mentioned that no one cares about. It didn’t make sense. When I suggested cuts and tightening, the response was, “But that’s how people talk!” Yes, it is. When we talk we can all be pretty boring at times. Our thoughts aren’t always organized. We go off tangent. We use filler words. We see something that sidetracks us. Squirrel! We forget what we were talking about. We talk over others.
But writing fiction isn’t a record of what goes on in the real world. In some ways, it is better than the real world as it leaves out the dull parts. In fiction, every piece of dialogue has a purpose. It might be character development; it might be plot related. It moves the story forward. It’s intentional. It doesn’t bore the reader. We don’t need all the greetings and good-byes in a story. Nor simple pleasant chats. We want tension and disagreements. We want flirting and romance. We want questions raised that we’ve been thinking as a reader. "The dialogue is generally the most agreeable part of a novel, but it is only so long as it tends in some way to the telling of the main story." – Anthony Trollope
Does that mean a fictional character can never stumble or go off track? Of course not. Used judiciously these are all appropriate. Um, er, and other pauses can show a character’s nervousness or uncertainty. It might indicate lying. A character going off track might be changing the subject deliberately. A character might ramble to show tiredness or drug or alcohol influence. Or one character might be a rambler that other characters are always interrupting.
Readers will stick with characters they care about. Our job as writers is to make it easy for the reader to care. If we’re bogging down all the dialogue, it’s too easy for the reader to give up.
"Dialogue is like a rose bush – it often improves after pruning. I recommend you rewrite your dialogue until it is as brief as you can get it. This will mean making it quite unrealistically to the point. That is fine. Your readers don't want realistic speech, they want talk which spins the story along." – Nigel Watts
SM Ford writes inspirational fiction for adults, although teens may find the stories of interest, too. She also loves assisting other writers on their journeys.